Day in and day out it would seem like there was no change one day melting into the other. I decided that I would go see Everly Sunday through Friday and Aaron would visit every other day. For the time being this would be our new normal. Id drive 140 miles a day. Most days thankfully were uneventful. Although I had no idea how long Evie would be in the NICU I knew that I needed to take care of myself first because Evie and Aaron needed the best of me. For me this meant sleeping in, enjoying my coffee every morning and most importantly putting my marriage first.
I remember for the 14th day in a row I was getting ready to go see Evie and Aaron said he wished we could go out on a date. Although it was easily one of the hardest decisions to make to not to go see Evie I knew I had to do it. While talking to my sister-n-law I told her it was the first time I was not going to see Evie and she said something that several people would tell me “don’t feel guilty for not going to see Evie” but that’s what people don’t understand you don’t feel guilty because you didn’t go see them you feel guilty because you don’t want to see anybody else. The give and a take of a relationship became a one-way street. For 8 months, a relationship with me was a dead end road.
Within the first couple weeks Evie got three primary nurses they would be with her for the entirety of her stay. Anyone who has ever had a baby in the NICU knows the importance of these nurses they’re the only other people that know your baby almost as well as you. Evie came to love her nurses she would smile just at the sight of them. For us knowing that Everly’s primary nurses were there allowed us to relax just a little.
In the NICU you’re allowed four visitors and the four people you choose would be the only four people that would get to meet Everly. This rule was in place to keep as many germs out as possible. On one hand, it was completely understandable, germs are bad but on the other only four people will meet Everly. I can still remember rocking on my glider in her nursery, 8 months pregnant dreaming of her home coming. We would all celebrate her; people would come visit and talk about how cute she was but that would never happen. For the first 8 months of her life Evie would meet Four people, her grandparents.
Leaving Everly for the night was never easy I would walk out of that hospital without my baby for 246 nights and not one night did it ever feel normal. As the days rolled on we started talking about Everly going home and suddenly we found ourselves packing up. We were so excited! You couldn’t wipe the smile off our faces! Unfortunately, when you’re in a storm this big what feels like the end is actually just the eye.